They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
