spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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