you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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