ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Jerry, you need to find god
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
