I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
