So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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