Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
im six kinds of drunk right now
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
