i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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