last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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