I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
We smell like vodka and hangover
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