Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
