I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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