It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
