Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
