Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
