There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
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