so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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