I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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