What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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