i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
