clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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