Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
