She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
