Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
im drinking this country out of the recession.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
