Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
