you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Dicks are not precious.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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