Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
