Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
