Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
