you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
two words: eviction party
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
