My balls are so social today.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
