He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
