my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Randomize
