I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
