I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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