Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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