i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
