Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
