im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
