she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Come see our sink grown plant.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
