I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
