I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I think my moral compass just broke
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