I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
