I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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