Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
