What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
