He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
