It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
