so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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