when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
